I’m having an emotional breakdown right now and I was fine when I woke up this morning. My blood sugar was like 500 a couple hours ago. Its now 123 so I’m sure that’s why I’m feeling awful. I can’t stop crying and I’m crying over EVERYTHING. I know its diabetes related because I get these bouts of feeling depressed and then the next thing I know, I’m fine.

Tomorrow marks 11 years since I was diagnosed. I can’t believe I’ve made it through 11 years. It seems like yesterday. Even though I haven’t had complications, if I knew some of the things I know now, I would have done things a little differently.

I was 13, and turned 14 two days after my diagnoses. I’ll be 25 in three days. I wonder what type of person I’d be if I was never diagnosed. I’d like to think I’d be the same person, but who knows. I had to grow up real fast. I had my life in my hands. I grew up worrying about everything I did. How is this going to effect my diabetes and I’m still like that. Always worrying, never taking chances. I feel different from my peers. I didn’t go through some of the same experiences they did (some I’m glad I didn’t have to…lol) and I feel like I missed on things. But I’ve had incredible things happen in my life, so I can’t complain too much.

I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling sorry for myself and I only find myself feeling like this when diabetes decides to screw with my emotions. I can handle the shots, I can handle the testing, but I can’t handle the emotional rollercoaster I get put on. I need better control. I know I need it, but why can’t I just do it.

I’m laughing now because I know I’m going to be alright tomorrow and tonight is just going to be a silly bump in the road. I just have to remember I’m human and its okay. I’m still here. Despite everything I’ve been through, I’m still here and I’m so grateful for that.